Every mother with trans children should take Cher as an example.
ok i love her but lets not give brownie points because she called him her son. thats like. minimum requirement for a decent human being.
Ok, you know what? No. Brownie points to Cher.
She publicly announced her love and acceptance of her SON and yeah some people would call that “the minimum requirement” of decency, but as someone whose mother gushes about her acceptance in private and sometimes uses gender neutral terms for me (not the male ones I prefer) but aggressively misgenders me in public to keep things from being “awkward”, cher’s public acknowledgement and expression of her love and acceptance for her son is a big deal.
Yes this SHOULD BE the bare minimum of parental decency, but right now it’s not and I’m glad to see Chaz and Cher showing the world that this is the way things are supposed to be.
What is up with the idea that we shouldn’t acknowledge when people do something good/nice/etc. because “everyone should be doing that anyway”? It is BY acknowledging the things we see as good that we tell others how we see the world and enforce what we consider proper behavior. There is literally never a time when it doesn’t make sense to acknowledge something positive. And acknowledging something positive does NOT make some sort of blanket statement about the person like they can do no wrong either. We can acknowledge a positive, and also criticize a negative; there is no zero-sum game here.
Reinforcing good behavior is just as important, in fact more important, than criticizing bad behavior when it comes to making a change. This is true of training pets, children, and cis people.
Also of note: a little history on Chaz Bono and his mom.
Back when Chaz was still presenting as his AGAB, he came out as a lesbian. This was in….I’m gonna say 1990? 1991? I don’t remember exactly. A point in time where that was Really A Terrible Fucking Thing, is the point here.
Cher freaked right the fuck out.
And her fan base basically went “you’re a gay icon and you’re out here doing this? For fucking shame, Cher.”
And it kind of took her aback, and she shut up, and when we heard her talk about it again it was “yeah it was hard to accept but…” which is considered gross now but was pretty astonishing in a world where Ellen DeGeneres couldn’t yet come out of the closet.
Skip ahead to the early 2010s, when Chaz went “so, um. Actually? Not a lesbian. I’m a straight man.” Again: at this point, mainstream trans activism wasn’t a thing. This was as wild a thing to do as when he came out as a lesbian.
AND CHER SHUT RIGHT THE FUCK UP.
The first time she said anything about it at all was like six months later, and it was something along the lines of “well I’ve been using ‘she’ for over 40 years so sometimes I forget but I’ve really been working on it because it makes my son happy to know he’s my son.” And to the best of my knowledge, she’s only ever had a single public slip-up, and it was at a point where she was using Chaz’s deadname in a story about his childhood. Someone told her that’s not a good thing to do AND SHE NEVER DID IT AGAIN.
Cher isn’t just out here doing the right thing. Cher is out here LEARNING the right thing. You think she spent those six months sulking? You don’t know Cher very well. I’d bet a nickel she spent those six months finding accessible options (yes, Cher is disabled, surprise) for every GLAAD publication she could get her hands on.
She is a gold standard of activism. “I fucked up once, it was a learning experience, I’m going to not do that again and show how to not do that.”
-out of sight = out of mind, as in, if you can’t see it, you will forget it exists. Set up your space such that, when everything is put away, you can still see it all (remove closet doors, shallow shelves so nothing is behind anything else, etc.)
-one-step access. None of this “to get to this thing, I have to get a stool, remove the box in front of it, grab the thing i want, put the box back, put the stool back-” nah. One step access. Not even “this thing belongs behind this thing”. Open drawer. Is thing right there? good. Have to move other thing to get to it? bad. Multi-steps means you’ll rarely use it, and when you do, it will NEVER GET PUT AWAY AGAIN. Multi-step access is for deep storage and the items that get the least frequent use.
-an item’s home is within arm’s reach of where you are most likely to use it/want to put it down.
-items can have multiple homes and that’s ok. I have three pencil/pen cans around my room, and like two or three places where I’m “allowed” to place things like my wallet and keys (and I am NOT allowed to place them anywhere else, because then I’ll lose them forever).
-examine the mess on your floor and determine the categories, then ask why those things are on the floor.
—Why pile of clean clothes? because I didn’t want to fold them up. Solution: fuck folding clothes, clothes only get sorted into categories and then dumped into drawers or crates. That’s fine and ok.
—Why pile of kinda-dirty-but-can-still-wear clothes? because I don’t want to put them away (i wore them once) but i don’t want to put them in the laundry basket (they’re not really dirty yet). Solution: have a home for “kinda dirty” clothes. I drape mine over the edge of my hamper.
—- a bunch of trash on your floor? Because the trash can is all the way over there. Solution: put a bunch of trash cans all around your room.
—- pile of papers on desk? because i need to put them in my files where they’ll eventually go. Solution: one of those cute magazine boxes on desk, specifically for “to file” papers.
-permanent piles on surfaces go in cute little boxes exactly where they already were. e.g. pile on nightstand consisting of wallet, keys, meds, phone, etc??? cute little box right on the nightstand for all that stuff you’ll grab every day. Pile on desk of shit that you need to take back out to the kitchen but haven’t yet? grab a little tray specifically to accumulate things you’ll take back out to the kitchen at some point. box on nightstand for “stuff that could/usually does go in purse, but isn’t there today for whatever reason”. Lil box for “random tiny shit that I should put away at some point” like hair ties, safety pins, push pins, etc.
-it’s ok for things to “live” in the place where you’ll need them next, even if it’s not “away”, so long as those things aren’t in your way. My pjs live on my bed, because I’m going to wear them again tonight. If I’m feeling fancy I’ll fold them and put them at the foot of the bed. Most days I’ll just yeet them on there and that’s where they Belong. My meds belong in a lil box on my nightstand, because that’s where I’ll set out my pills for the next day.
- “dump station” = right inside the door, where you’ll divest yourself of everything automatically anyways. Hook for your purse, hook for workbag, a few hooks for coats etc (even though coats “live” in the closet, it’s ok for them to live here too), box/tray for wallet etc, place for shoes. Because I’m gonna dump them the moment I walk in the door anyway, and if their “place” isn’t right there, they’re just gonna end up part of the mess
-beware the corner piles. Observe them, question them, solve them. Shit accumulates in “dead spots” on the floor where you don’t walk often. Watch those piles. What are those piles? Where are their homes? And why aren’t they there? Are their homes too inaccessible? Did I accidentally start a new hobby and none of the supplies for that have a home yet? Is it something “in progress” that I still intend to work on/do something with?
you’ll still go through the cycles of accumulating mess and destroying it all in one go, but the mess accumulated will be so much less and so much easier to deal with.
Adhd really is like… bedroom is slightly messy it would be nice to tidy it some
bedroom is very messy I really should tidy up
bedroom is chaotic I NEED to tidy but my brain says no. Why. Whyyy.
I guess I’ll just have to watch where I step in here for the rest of my life. The mess is everywhere. I’m one with the mess.
A sudden Need to Clean™ makes you get the room looking like some fancy homes magazine cover, and you think “I’ll never ever let it get that bad again, and then…
bedroom is slightly messy (uh oh)
What the fuq?! I already do all of these things without anyone telling me that they were good for people who have ADHD. Mind blown.
Update: he finally got the cat to the vet to see if she had a microchip
I was already on board with his sweet wholesome open-to-love-and-nurturing heart but I was fully unprepared for getting to that last tweet and seeing how off the hook HOT dude is
